One thing I've been struggling with lately, is opening up online. I am a private person. I have no interest in being "a personality". Although, I am fun and definitely do have a personality that I believe lots of people would gravitate toward, I don't want that attention. It comes with a lot. I genuinely like people, but people are entitled. Once you put something out there, they feel like it's theirs. Who am I to tell them it's not. They aint gon listen.
I have a private Instagram that is for my tribe, and I have a public one that is for my art. I know that on my art IG, I want to build a following of people who love and support my art. I don't want a lot of followers, I want the right followers. The ones who spend money. Buy my shit lol but really tho. I also want the focus to be on my art, not on my beauty or my personality. Just the art.
I guess I'm trying to find the balance between putting myself out there so that people can connect and want to support me, and being discreet about my the things that are personal to me. My family, where I live, who I date, blah blah blah. Ya feel me? The goal is to get that writer money. Writers be randomly wealthy, but you don't recognize their face. I want to be just like that. wealthy, but able to maneuver through life unnoticed.
As a black person, we tend to wear our success. I am no different. Well, actually, I am kinda different. I like luxurious things, but what I don't like is people clocking me. Meaning, I don't like people knowing where I got my stuff from. I don't like high fashion labels. They draw too many eyes. there are a few exceptions of course, but in general, I don't like the attention that comes with Gucci this, or Fendi that. I'll never need a Rolex. If I got one, you could be certain that it was a gift.
I've been a tiny bit more open on my personal IG, and I get positive feed back, but one thing makes me uncomfortable. The people who, in the past, have given me weird energy. Never wanted to be my friend before, but now, all of a sudden, are responding to my stories all the time. Being overly friendly. It comes off as fake and it repels me. Makes me want to block them, even though they are being nice. Maybe I'm the one who needs to chill. But I'm weary, and I'm learning to trust my instincts.
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